They went to the same high school. But Lisa was a cheerleader and Melissa a basketball player, so they never really talked. It was fifteen years later when Melissa posted a photo on Instagram that immediately got Lisa’s attention. She now had short hair, and after a flurry of texting, they were soon on their first date. After two years together, it was only natural that they started to discuss children.
They went so far as to purchase donor sperm when they got some distressing news: Lisa was diagnosed with stage-three breast cancer. Despite the shock, they quickly made the decision to retrieve her eggs before starting chemo. And now, with tremendous spirit and grace, they’re on a journey of both healing and hope for family building.
MELISSA
Here you go.
LISA
Okay, I know it’s already full, but I feel that you can never have too much in your tree. This is our first real big Christmas together because last Christmas we weren’t living together. So we did celebrate it together, but not completely.
MELISSA
Just put it here?
LISA
We went to high school together. We didn’t really talk in high school. I guess because she says that I was—
MELISSA
Stuck up.
LISA
A stuck up—
MELISSA
Cheerleader.
LISA
And I knew, I knew who she was. We went to a small high school. Fifteen years after high school, she found me on Instagram through a mutual friend and we exchanged numbers and I think she’s says that I came on to her because—
MELISSA
She did.
LISA
Because I commented how like great she looked on her Instagram. Like she had cut her hair really short. And I was like, Wow, you look really good. Like you look really hot.
MELISSA
I was surprised at just kind of the flow, the natural flow of the conversation. It was like we had known each other forever. And you would have never guessed that we didn’t talk at all in high school and that so many years had passed.
OFFICIENT
I Lisa,
LISA
I Lisa,
OFFICIENT
take you, Melissa,
LISA
take you, Melissa,
OFFICIENT
to be my wife.
LISA
to be my wife.
LISA
We got married on March 14, 2015. So Pi Day, 3.1415. That’s when we got married.
MELISSA
Yeah.
LISA
It was on a whim decision that day.
MELISSA
Yeah.
LISA
We just decided that day to do it.
MELISSA
We actually just told our parents.
OFFICIENT
You may seal your marriage with a kiss.
MELISSA
It seemed natural to have conversations about building a family and what the future would look like for us and what our family would look like and, you know, where we would live, how many children we would gave, what type of donor we would get if we, you know, if we decided to take that step.
LISA
We both agree on similar like ways that we want to raise our children. The, being parents, you know, hands on and just, I think that I know she would be a great mother and I think she knows I would be a great mother.
I was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer. So it is a mass in my left breast that is cancerous that has actually spread to my lymph nodes, isolated in the left armpit, we believe.
MELISSA
I think I still get choked up about it. It was heartbreaking. It was definitely heartbreaking. Number one, you don’t want to see somebody you love go through that or have to deal with breast cancer, or any cancer. Secondly, it was just what does this mean for the future? What does this mean for her?
LISA
I just remember it was like time stopped and it was sad ‘cause I looked over at my mom and at Melissa, and they’re crying. And I’m sitting there like on this table in the doctor’s office just like, Damn, I’ve got cancer. And I really didn’t expect that was going to be the diagnosis. But then it just became a matter of fact. Like, Hey, I have cancer. Doesn’t stop my life. There’s life through cancer. There’s life after cancer. What do I have to do to get rid of it? Bada bing, bada boom. Get on with life.
MELISSA
We were lucky in that our oncologist—her oncologist—is younger and he’s much more progressive in thinking. So his first thought was, “Have you thought about children? If you have and don’t have any, you should consider seeing a fertility doctor as soon as possible.” Which sparked us immediately to say, “Yeah, obviously, that’s something we need to do today.”
DR. KOLB
Good morning. How are you doing?
LISA
Good. Hanging in there.
DR. KOLB
Good to see you both.
LISA
Hi.
DR. KOLB
So you’re feeling, okay?
LISA
Yeah. A little stressed.
DR. KOLB
I know it’s all a little scary. There’s a lot going on and everything. But I just wanted to reiterate what we’re doing and what we’re going to do today. So, as you know, you started the medications four days ago. The idea is to stimulate those eggs to grow to maturity. And what we’re going to look at today is we’re going to look at those follicles. So when the eggs are immature, the follicles are small. And as the follicles get big, it tells us the eggs are mature. So this is the uterus here. Right here in the middle of this is the endometrium. This is looking really good.
LISA
Yeah, they were much smaller.
MELISSA
Much smaller.
LISA
Then, we went to see the oncologist. And the oncologist lays forth a plan and, you know, this is what you got going on and this is what we have to do. So for me, it was going to be four chemo treatments, once every other week of two kinds of chemo in one day. But I had already decided to do bilateral mastectomy just to eliminate future doubt. More concern about cancer coming back. I also wouldn’t let my mind play tricks on me. You know, I was, I wouldn’t, I made sure to keep my mind clear of the fact that, Okay, I’m getting chemo in me and not get all boggled down with like, Oh gosh, what’s going to happen? What’s going to happen? I just went, did it.
MELISSA
A lot of it was me learning to let go and just let her embrace her life and go about the things—you know, with caution. But not treating her like she was a cancer treatment.
LISA
Yeah, because I think that’s one thing, when you start to only accept the identity of a cancer patient or having cancer, then you almost lose yourself. Because I’m more, I’m Lisa. I have cancer. It’s not: I have cancer. I am a cancer patient. I’m living with cancer. It’s more: I’m Lisa. I have this, that and the other. Oh and I have cancer. I’m doing what I got to do. But I’m also living life. You know. So yeah.
DR. KOLB
So you’ll get the IV. We’ll get started here in a couple of minutes.
LISA
Okay.
DR. KOLB
We’ll make sure you’re nice and comfortable. Okay?
LISA
Okay.
For me, I’m excited because I know, like, having children is closer in my future.
MELISSA
Definitely nervous. Want to make sure that everything goes well and that, you know, that she’s okay afterwards and that we get the results that we want.
DR. KOLB
So by the time you wake up, we’ll know how many eggs—
LISA
Yes.
When I got egg retrieval done, I had twelve eggs that were retrieved—eight mature and then six embryos actually took. You wait a period of five days and by day five, only one had survived and it was a Grade C, which is not great, A being the best. So we just have our one Grade C embryo that’s frozen to work with. Probably a 25% chance that it will take and if it doesn’t work out, we then have other options to look at, which maybe I will have more eggs by then, you know, from post chemo.
MELISSA
I’ll do whatever’s best for my family. You know. So if that means me carrying, of course, I wouldn’t think twice about it. You know. I’ve never had the desire to get pregnant. I’ve never had, you know, I know people say, like, well, your woman’s intuition will kick in at some point, and I’m like, well, I’m 33 and it still hasn’t kicked in. So there’s no, there’s nothing in me that wants to be pregnant. I want to have a child, but I want my partner to carry. So it was just natural. She wanted to get pregnant. She wanted to carry. So it just seemed extremely natural for us to choose her.
LISA
So Friday, December 4, I had a bilateral mastectomy, also with lymph node dissection. So we removed my breasts, the tissue, nipples. It was kind of expected that I wasn’t that advanced in stage three where it hadn’t spread too far. So we thought maybe a few lymph nodes were infected. But we got news at my post op appointment that of nineteen lymph nodes removed, sixteen were cancerous.
MELISSA
We expected good news and we expected, and we hope and we prayed for good news. And, you know, it’s just, it was, it was shocking at first. But I think now that it’s been a couple days, we’ve absorbed it. Okay.
LISA
Yeah huh, and here it is.
MELISSA
Oh.
LISA
You were holding out on—
MELISSA
Wow, I totally missed that.
What I appreciate most about Lisa is her resilience and her ability to inspire other people. I think she’s been a superstar through all this. And it’s really overwhelming to kind of just see how she’s able to, you know, be so positive. I’m going to get so choked up. Sorry.
LISA
Mas, mas.
What I appreciate the most about Melissa is the love that she’s shown me. Through all of this, I’ve never felt any less. I’ve never felt ugly. I’ve never felt, through losing my hair, through losing my breasts, I’ve never felt unattractive or not loved in any way. She’s made me feel even more special than I could say.
MELISSA
Cheers, kiddo.
I think going through the cancer battle, and having the thoughts of just mortality and knowing that our lives are finite and, you know, we’re only given a short time here, makes you just want to do the most you can with your life, including creating a family and building a family. I think it’s probably the same for you, right?
LISA
Yeah. I think even more so that it has made me want to have children, have a family. I think because, kind of when you hear the news about like you have cancer, it kind of shocks your world a little bit to where the immediate thing you think about is what about when, what about having kids, you know?
I can’t wait to wake up Christmas morning and open our presents.
MELISSA
I know. I have to go Christmas shopping next week.
My hope for Christmas this year is that we just get to embrace and enjoy everything that we have around us, everything that we’re blessed with. It’s not really about the material things this year. It’s definitely given us a new light on and perspective on life. I mean, we may not have the perfect life right now, but I think we have great jobs and a great home and a great family. And great friends. So I think we are truly blessed with everything that is important in life.
LISA
My hope for this Christmas is to really absorb the holiday season, really take in all the things that Christmas, like the feeling of Christmas for this month, with my beautiful wife and with my family. And feel the warmth that Christmas gives.
It looks good, huh?
MELISSA
Yeah. It looks great. I love it.
LISA
You love it?
MELISSA
You did a great job.