When Tess and Niki decided to expand their family, they considered both biological reproduction and adoption. The latter led to a year-long rollercoaster ride before they were able to legally adopt their children, Jaida and Quentin.
But any difficulties faded away when they officially became one family with the same name. And while seemingly conventional in many ways, their openness toward self-expression combined with unconditional love are helping to make a mark in their small town in Florida.
NIKKI
We wanted to adopt children. At the time, we always talked about having children naturally and adopting. So we just decided to do them sort of at the same time. Just to see what happens. So we got a call from our agency and it was a new lady. And her name was Yolanda.
TESS
Yolanda came at a perfect time.
NIKKI
It was all perfect time yeah.
TESS
She was amazing.
NIKKI
When they asked what type of baby, we wanted we said we don’t care about race. We don’t care about anything, sex, nothing we just said we’ll just take a baby. And so they called us and like well there’s an African American little boy who’s on the hospital and so we’re like okay. And so I was so excited. I called [PH] Tess. There’s a baby. We have a baby. So we go in the car. We rushed over to the hospital. And the lady said, “Okay, your baby’s at the very end.” And he was so cute.
TESS
He was gorgeous.
NIKKI
Oh, he was so cute, we’re like.
TESS
He’s not black.
NIKKI
He’s not black.
TESS
But that’s fine.
NIKKI
We were like fine. If it was a little white baby that was there, we were like oh this will work. This is fine. Okay, we’re like.
TESS
Said okay. I said, we’ll take him.
NIKKI
We had Kevin for three months and then we got a call and Yolanda called us again. She’s like, “We have a newborn. He’s five days old. Would you like him?” And we were like yes. He was found in a park and it was the coldest day San Antonio had had in years. Everything was iced over, shut down. And he arrived to us in a diaper in one of those –
TESS
Like a wife beater tank top.
NIKKI
Yeah, tank top and a blanket and that’s it. He was six days old and –
TESS
Skinny.
NIKKI
Skinny and filthy.
TESS
Yes.
NIKKI
I didn’t even know a baby could be that filthy as a newborn and so he arrived and it was Quentin.
TESS
So then a few what maybe a month or so, maybe a month.
NIKKI
It was one month later, then we got another call. Yolanda calls us again. “We have a little girl for you. She’s seven months old and she needs placement today. And would you like her.” And so I was like a little girl. So I was so excited. She was much more advanced.
TESS
All ready she could use her spoon even. I said wow she feeds herself.
NIKKI
Yes, she did so much stuff and we were like wow okay.
TESS
And I looked and she was sitting herself up and I said wow. Quentin just had a lot of medical problems. But I tell you he started growing. His personality started coming out at about, I have a video of him when he took his first step at nine months.
NIKKI
Nine months old, he took his first step.
TESS
I mean he was quick. Good job son, you’re doing it. Whoa.
NIKKI
We were having fun. And everybody was like, “Was it hectic?” it didn’t feel hectic. It felt like, it was fun. We were like oh we have our three babies. After the first week, we were getting the hang of it.
TESS
Right.
NIKKI
And then during the second week we got a phone call. Yolanda called and she was like, “I made a mistake. I accidently, I didn’t realize there was a rule that said you couldn’t have more than two children in your home under 18 months old that aren’t siblings. You need to give one up today. So pick one that we can come pick up by the end of the day.” Oh so we were so mad at her. We were so mad at everybody. We were mad at everything. We were so angry.
TESS
It was awful.
NIKKI
And then hurt and how do you make that decision?
TESS
Because then we were upset. We said we can afford three children. I said we have the time for three children.
NIKKI
Yeah we can do it. And foster to adopt you have to look at the cases. We’re looking to adopt, so which case is gonna be most likely to adopt? That’s how we tried to make our decision. So at the time Kevin’s case was progressing to reunification with the grandmother within the next couple of months.
TESS
And then another thing we looked at too, was if all things were equal, who would have the most difficult time getting adopted?
NIKKI
And Yolanda she was like, “Well in San Antonio I’ll tell you honestly African American children are the hardest to adopt.”
TESS
There’s not a lot of people who want to adopt.
NIKKI
Not a lot of people who want to adopt them.
TESS
For whatever reason it could be, it’s not necessarily a racial thing. It maybe some people want babies who look like them.
NIKKI
Yeah or for whatever reason.
TESS
For whatever reason.
NIKKI
But she did tell us they’re very, very hard to –
TESS
To get adopted.
NIKKI
Get adopted here and so we took that into consideration as well. Fast forward a little bit with Kevin. So we were so devastated. We knew he was going back with his grandmother, but he didn’t go back. She failed her home study. But they found after digging a little bit the mother had given birth a year prior. And a family adopted that newborn and he had a sister that nobody knew about up until this time. And they called them and said, “Hey, another baby was born. Will you take him?” And they said, “Yes.” So they adopted Kevin and the sister into a family.
TESS
So that made us feel better.
NIKKI
Oh, that made us feel better.
TESS
So I said at least he’s with his sister, he’s adopted and then we got Quentin. He’s such a great fit for our family. Him and [PH] Jada they’re perfect daughter and perfect son for us.
NIKKI
For us, for us.
TESS
For us for sure.
NIKKI
But I will tell you one thing, once you get to the point of adoption it’s like none of that even happened.
TESS
Right.
NIKKI
I mean it’s like you’re like really?
TESS
It’s so worth it.
NIKKI
It is so worth it. You don’t even remember all the craziness that happened. You are just so excited.
TESS
That day is so amazing.
NIKKI
Yes, it is amazing, yes.
TESS
Her mother flew down and my mother was there.
NIKKI
Both grandmothers were there and it was great.
TESS
It was just so amazing. It was just really one of the happiest days that and my wedding.
NIKKI
I think in their lifetime that they know they’ll never not know their parents married. So I think that’s great for them. They will always know that we’re married and they’ll never have to know well they couldn’t get married.
TESS
Definitely gives them a lot of stability. And I like one of the things that [PH] Nikki is really great about she went through a name change. She said I want us all to be Miller’s okay.
NIKKI
And so, yes I changed my name at the adoption ceremony. When we adopted the kids, I had a name change in the same court setting and so it worked out that everything has the same name moving forward from that day and so that’s we call that our hatch day. That’s when our family hatched. Now when it came to adopting, I adopted Jada. She adopted Quentin. But in the same courtroom, in the same setting we did a second parent adoption where I adopted Quentin and she adopted Jada. And so we have adopted both the children jointly. The only difference is we both can’t be on the birth certificates as parents and so they’re still trying to figure out that law. It’s a hard feeling, but it’s stressful because when you go to do something such as get a passport, I can’t get Quentin a passport.
TESS
I have to be there.
NIKKI
She has to be there. Things that I should be able to do for him, I’m not able to do because I’m not on his birth certificate. I’m going to be applying to law school. So I can do something in the family court system. It took me a long time to figure out what really my passion was in life. What I love to do. I like that Tess loves being a plastic surgeon. And the kids see that. And what Jada said for her kindergarten graduation I want to be a doctor just like my mom. I tell Jada all the time I’m like you have to not only love what you do but I mean you want to love it. You want to be good at it. She loves to dance. Quentin he likes to dance too. He’s in dance too. He’s in ballet as well.
TESS
He loves dancing.
NIKKI
Oh he loves dancing and he’s really good at gymnastics. And he likes it. There’s no gender roll as far as anybody can do anything.
TESS
Absolutely.
NIKKI
For the first three years of Quentin’s life he wore princess dresses every single day. He loved dress up.
TESS
And heels and I was jealous because he could wear them better than me.
NIKKI
And heels.
TESS
If he wanted that, we just let him because otherwise we could’ve really caused some problems with him. But he just on his own decided what he wanted and what he didn’t and I’m really happy with already this young boy of four and a half he is the most compassionate. I mean he is so sensitive. You’ll say ouch and like, “You okay mommy?”
NIKKI
He is in tuned to everybody.
TESS
He is in tune. And then Jada she’s just so sweet and she’s so smart and she’s just so loving. She’ll just, “Mommy?” Yes. “I love you.” I mean she’s just.
NIKKI
That’s her favorite saying I love you.
TESS
Yeah.
NIKKI
And I’m not sure if she’s thinking it. She wants to say something else. But she just says I love you.
TESS
I love you and I’ll never leave you behind.
NIKKI
I’m never leaving you. I think with any family, there’s different ways that families come together and they’re made, but with foster to adopt there’s such a negative stigma that goes to it. And at the end of the day, the kids feel as if they’re not wanted. So we tell her that she was a gift and she was loved so much that so she doesn’t feel like oh nobody wanted me and gave me away. Nobody was given away. This was a gift. And so we don’t say you weren’t given up for adoption. You were gifted to your moms, our tummy was broken. But you were raised and loved from all of us.
TESS
And we actually really care for both their biological mothers.
NIKKI
Yeah we do, we do. We still keep them in contact with the kids as far as let them know what’s going on. I send them updates. I created an email for the kids. And I gave it to their biological parents and I send them updates. It’s more conservative where we’re living now. We had an instance where our kids played baseball. We are not familiar with baseball by the way. But they played on this team and they let everybody make a shirt. And on the back of our shirts, we had mamma and mommy. And so yes, they have two moms. But we wanted them to know we are very active in their lives. And so we did the team mom thing and we brought snacks and all that but we wanted them to know that we’re very active in this small community so they get a positive view of what may be a negative view they hear from the media or what they want to hear from people who don’t like our lifestyle. We want their experience to be positive all the time of our family. We know that investing our time and energy and love into these beings to be good people in the world. That’s what we’re both passionate about as far as raising our children. We want to invest all of our energy into them so they can go out and be good people. And do what they love and I think that’s important to us.
TESS
I agree.